Yamini 00:34
Parenthood can come in different flavors. It’s customized to suit your needs when you have your own or you adopt or host or foster. In other words, Parenthood is unique for biological parents adopted parents, foster parents, host parents, and so on and so forth. But the one thing they all depend on is the parent and child relationship. One such lovely story is of our guest today.
It’s such a pleasure introducing a wonderful mama whose life was touched by love. She’s an experienced speech language pathologist with skilled in parent education, sensory integration, speech and language delays, as well as working with children with a variety of medical needs. Today, we are talking to Lee Moser, who is a Wayland resident and we will be co passengers on her unique journey and story on hosting a kid ,a beautiful kid. Welcome to our podcast. Lee, thank you so much for coming and talking to us on women of wayland podcast.
Lee Moser 01:35
I’m very excited to be here.
Yamini 01:37
How long have you been in Wayland?
Lee Moser 01:39
We have been in Wayland almost eight years. My husband and I both grew up in Connecticut and coincidentally, we met each other out in California. I moved there after graduate school for my first job and sorry, my husband works for Intel. We ended up moving to Oregon and we lived there 10 years. When my boys were entering second and fourth grade, we moved to Wayland. So we’ve been here, It’ll be eight years this summer. My mother in law was sick with cancer and we tried to get as close as she as we could to her in Connecticut and Intel has a site in Hudson. So we just went from there.
I did a ton of online research and schools were very important to us., community was very important to us. A small New England town my husband, I had both, like I said growing up in Connecticut where we used to New England towns. I came to visit and I fell in love the stone walls, the old library, men playing softball on the softball field. It’s just such a sweet It’s a you know it’s a sweet town. It just had such a good welcoming vibe. Everyone I met was very kind on the phone and in person and we looked at other towns and we just kept coming back to Wayland.
Yamini 02:53
That’s wonderful. Tell us about your family. I just heard about you growing up in Connecticut and your husband too, right? So tell us about your boys.
Lee Moser 03:03
I have my oldest is Gavin he’s 17. He’s a junior at Whalen High School. He plays a lot of sports, he keeps us on our toes. You know, he cracks me up. I don’t think anyone makes me laugh as much as he does. Then I have Jacob, who is 15, who’s a freshman at the high school. He is involved in a lot of activities, three sports as well, loves being with his friends. He’s a very curious person. He’s really open to new opportunities. So the two of them, keep me busy, but they’re also finding their own way as their teenagers.
Yamini 03:42
Exact that place. Right? And you feel Oh my God, I have a toddler. I wish I could fast forward it. Then I’m like, No, no, I want to enjoy every single thing. Yeah, I know. That also brings us to the newest member of your family. Tell us about him and how did you? You know, meet him? What was it about?
Lee Moser 04:02
So Anton does not live with us. But he’s definitely my third son, he lives in an orphanage in Ukraine. I sent him packages and I have some teenagers that I know in his orphanage, that we connect through FaceTime. So I talked to him last week for literally a minute. That was all the time we were allowed. I talked to about three weeks ago for 20 minutes. He’s just an incredible little boy that we hosted. He’s kind. He’s resilient. He’s challenging. He’s funny. He’s so dynamic, just such a great, a great little boy.
Yamini 04:54
You’re such an amazing Mama. You know you’ve got us and you’re informing other moms to know about this, you’re an incredible mom. So tell us more about this program that you got him in through.
Lee Moser 05:07
So I hosted through a program called host Ukraine. It’s an organization that helps place orphans, from Ukraine and families for 11 weeks over the summer, and about four weeks, over the winter. So, it’s truly a hosting program. But interestingly enough, about 75 to 80% of the children that are hosted, go on to be adopted. So they are not an adoption agency, but they will give you information if you want to contact some adoption agencies.
So the real premise behind it is these children have not had parents and don’t have parents, so, or that are able to take care of it. So they’re in the orphanage. The premise of the program is just so these children can come here and enjoy the safety love the head of a family acceptance.
Yamini 05:58
How incredible is that for someone who’s not seen a family? Right? And it’s incredible, like. I cannot even imagine if I can put myself in his shoes. and, you know, as much as I will be ecstatic to find a family like that. It’s for a short period of time. Right?
Lee Moser 06:16
Right and, you know, some families going to host again, some families, like I said, go on to adopt. But I do I thought that was amazing. Like he basically gets off a plane. You know, my older son had a baseball commitment, but my younger son, Jacob, my husband, Bob, and I were there. He gets off a plane, we kneel down and start talking to him, he gets in the car, and now where his family for the next 11 weeks. Yeah, and just how brave it is for him to do that. You know, he had some English. Luckily, a lot of the younger kids don’t have a lot of English, he’s did speak and understand some English and that grew over the summer, he was speaking in full sentences when he left. But I do I think have the bravery and the ability to do that, and how open and willing.
Yamini 07:08
I just wanted to understand this if the same child is being hosted by the same family again, is it a possibility? Or does he go to different families? And how does that work out? Like, you know, the attachment is, so pure so deep? How are people dealing with this?
Lee Moser 07:27
So if we had continued to host him, he could have come with us in the winter and then ongoing in the summer. Our family was not able to continue to host him.
Yamini 07:42
Which is understandable.
Lee Moser 07:43
But, I love him so much. My hope for him is to be adopted. But until then I will be his mama and support him until he finds.
Yamini 07:56
He said 75% of the kids are adopted.
Lee Moser 07:59
Yeah, so he is available for hosting for this summer as our 34 families 34 more families are needed to host children this season. There’s some sibling groups, you know, some single girls, single boys and Anton is one of them.
Yamini 08:17
So, Lee aware there other families in Wayland or in the neighboring towns who wanted to host dislike you after knowing about this program from you, have they?
Lee Moser 08:28
Not that I know of, but I did receive a lot of private messages I posted it we are allowed to post on Facebook about the program and I kind of did a weekly update, sort of for me to look back on, but also to share our journey. I received a lot of private messages people asking about the program. There was definitely interest there was people I really I’m thinking of that I’m looking into that I’m looking to fostering I think it does resonate with people and people are very curious and interested in it.
Yamini 09:05
Was this motherhood different from the other two?
Lee Moser 09:08
You know, I love Of course, I love Gavin and Jake, I’ve loved them, you know, since they were born. But this is a different love that you just, I don’t know. It just makes you so open and it taught me a different love of acceptance and kind of a global love. And, you know, just the patience and sort of that. Almost the little things don’t matter as much and it taught me more patience with my own boys. Just more acceptance. It doesn’t matter. A lot of little things just don’t matter. It’s they’ve gone away.
Yamini 09:52
Do you think you have changed since you had him? A little bit about what you actually left with him?
Lee Moser 09:58
Yeah, so part of my heart is with him. I’ve never been working with children special needs my whole life. I’ve never been really that judgy parent, but welcoming a child in my house with, you know, from trauma and having needs, and getting some looks when we were out and about has given me a whole new understanding. Just realizing that you never know what that child is going through what that parent is going through. It’s just giving me even more of an acceptance of that and you know, when we were together 10 days, we were still figuring each other out, of course, there’s gonna be issues and yeah, you know, there’s going to be, you know, a language barrier and kind of work through all that. But you know, how they say 80% of communication is nonverbal, it truly is we were able to connect and get our messages across and Google Translate helps a lot too.
Yamini 10:56
So this brings us to our next question, Lee, did your profession help Anten with his transition into the family? Did it ease the transition?
Lee Moser 11:05
Immensely, I you know, I’ve worked with children that are being fostered. I’ve worked with children who are going, you know, through the process of adoption, I’ve worked with children that are adopted, I’ve worked with children with special needs, behavioral issues, children from trauma. I’ve worked with great people with psych backgrounds, I’ve worked with social workers. So I’ve had a lot of tools in my pocket. Already host Ukraine does a wonderful job, they have two books that you are required to read and a third, that’s optional. They have videos posted on working with children from trauma, how to meet children’s needs, how to connect with them. They also have family coaches, which I’ve become a family coach with host Ukraine. So you always have someone you can call if there’s an issue.
Yamini 11:51
However, that you know, if you can reach out to families who’ve done this, you would know what to, you know, avoid and what to do? Just the support system, you know, you need that.
Lee Moser 12:02
Absolutely, they had a Facebook group, a closed group, Facebook group. So it’s things as simple as you know, what foods do a lot of children from Ukraine, like some just some difference in expectations and cultural difference is that are talked about that help immensely. If you’re having a really tough night, or a really tough time, calling your family coach or posting and realizing that, you know, we do have this community of families out there. I know, 120 of us, I think hosted over the summer. So you know, as someone’s going through something similar, and it’s a very supportive community.
Yamini 12:40
So what what were the hurdles that you faced when you applied for this program? You know, any logistic hurdles or paper documental hurdles that you thought and how did you hear about this program?
Lee Moser 12:51
First of all, okay, so I’ll tell you, first of all, how I, I heard about it, my closest friend from high school, we talk on the phone a minimum of once a day, and she lives in Maine, and there, there’s a little contingency of families that hosted mean a nice little group her friend hosted in the summer of 2017. So my friend, learned a lot about the program did a ton of research. She’s very research heavy, and she really doesn’t make decisions on a whim, where I’m much more emotionally based, but she, we talked about the program, she was so interested.
So my friend hosted two boys in the winter of 2017, my friend Tracy. So I talked to her extensively before she hosted during her hosting and then after she hosted, and those two boys have gone on. They’re being adopted by another family. Oh, wonderful. So last summer, she was looking to host again, and she hosted an 11 year old boy, she posted something on Facebook. Now I talked to her for hours and hours about this. But she posted about more host families needed and I have always had a heart to adopt or Foster. So I went on the website, I requested a password and looked at the children. And I just thought you in time space and right away someone from host Ukraine called we were in contact and within two days, we had set up to host him for.
13:56
It is the easiest process I’ve had ever. so would you say that this is like easy option for people who are not looking to adopt but just you know, having them host and see how they do then think about it.
Yeah, and I think a lot of families that intend to just host end up adopting I think you kind of go into it open minded I mean, these children come from hard places. Like said we do have the training. You know, there’s nothing wrong with just hosting at all. I you know, sometimes I feel as if I let Anton down, but I do feel like, we had a wonderful experience with him. You know, my idea love grew and I hope he’s received love and acceptance. Then he knows he’s still worked. Because the last thing I’d ever want is for him to feel rejected, as far as ease of the program, I wouldn’t say is an easy thing. But it’s a wonderful thing. Getting documents in place and everything is not that difficult. Host Ukraine makes it very easy, a very clear process. They help you along the way if there’s any questions I see. So that part signing up, and paying and all that is not difficult. I think the biggest when you asked about hurdles, the biggest hurdle is determining if you’re ready, and willing to do that, because their hearts are on the line and you want to treat them.
Yamini 15:59
As much love as possible, as much cushioning as possible. I know. And when you know that they’ve gone through such, you know, such hardships in, they are in an orphanage, they have not seen a family they’ve not known these amazing things that happens in like we pay for camps and you know, for outdoorsy activity for our kids, we have to plan their summer and imagine these gifts having nobody to to do that. Are there any other countries who have such programs? Do you know of that?
Lee Moser 16:29
Yes. There’s there’s host programs in other countries. I mean, if you look, if you look it up, a lot of pro or a lot of countries host, a lot of European countries will host children. From what I’ve seen, for the most part, the hosting time is the same kind of, you know, a longer time over the summer, and that shorter time over the winter. But there’s many programs that hosts from other countries as well. So, you know, I follow a couple of the groups, and it seems to me are a lot of what hosts Ukraine does. I haven’t hosted with other agencies, but I I really appreciated all the required reading and training and I can’t tell you how many other books I read and podcasts I listened to. But then they come and it’s just a mom.
Lee Moser 17:02
You figured out like, you know, the books offer a ton of guidance, and they were super helpful. You just figure out what works with your child just like you do with your biological children.
Yamini 17:33
Well, how did the boys do? Gavin and Jacob? .
Lee Moser 17:37
So Gavin, he’s a he’s a wonderful kid. But he’s not my overly emotional guy. He bonded with Anton in an amazing way he he considers him a brother. He just had a lot of patience, and kindness and understanding and just, you know, yeah, like almost sense. When I might need a break. You know, let’s go, let’s go for a bike ride and die. Let’s go play. Let’s go shoot hoops. Let’s read a book. Let’s cuddle up and watch a movie. All those things that I did with Anton too, but he just was very open to hosting him very open to having him here.
Lee Moser 18:22
Jacob, my other son was was great with him to very understanding. But I think was also like, how is this gonna impact my summer? Am I still gonna be able to do what I wanted? And I had already signed the kids up for their activities. They still had a great, I believe a solid a great summer. But you know, it’s it’s different. I’m having a seven year old around, you know, I mean, I was focused on him a lot, just by the nature that, you know, he needed extra support, just from his background, but also, he’s seven. So he’s gonna need a little bit more attention. You know, but I do think both my boys were very, very understanding very kind to him and my older son, they just not to take away from his relationship with Jacob, when he talks to us.
Lee Moser 19:07
He always wants to talk to Jake when Anton and I FaceTime. He loves Jacob, but he and Gavin, they just, you know, the week or two before he was leaving, he was going to meet a lot but he was like hanging on to Gavin. We sort of ended our time with a trip to California in Oregon. I wasn’t sure how he was going to do on the plane. I wasn’t sure how he’s going to do you know, because I’m around a lot of people can be you know, can be a little overwhelming. He was wonderful, we were all four of us were there with him in the house was the five of us renting our house and he was so doted on and so happy and it was a sad time because I knew he was leaving. But such a wonderful time.
Yamini 19:48
Is this not like a way to know your own children better, how they are and how they behave with someone coming, absolutely with different language, different country. That’s when you’re So proud of them, right? That you’ve instilled all the good values in them, you know, it must be such a proud moment for you to see such bonding happening.
Lee Moser 20:10
I know I was I was very proud of them and we’ve always volunteered and talked about giving back in this really was 11 weeks of sort of, you know, a reverse mission trip, as you might say, like it, it really wasn’t and next day they rose to the occasion. This was really my passion, so you know, I sort of cultivated this got all the information.
Lee Moser 20:34
So they really were, my husband was very sweet with Anton too, he worked a lot more so Anton and I, I took off the summer essentially. I worked about three hours a week. So Anton and I were together a lot. But my husband had fun games with him and would read to him and they had, you know, he had a special relationship. As we all do, every member of each family, you know, you connect at different levels. He certainly had a special relationship with all of us, and give to dogs. He was an animal lover, he loved our dogs, I swear, that’s, you know, therapeutic and, and just so they were so calming for him.
Yamini 21:17
I’m so sure it was such a sweet bond. Lee, what has this meant to you personally? Has it changed you somehow? What has it meant to you?
Lee Moser 21:28
I know, I just go back to the greater message of love. You know, we just want to be loved, accepted, and feel safe. I just hope that, you know, I know we provided that for you. I hope that stays with him and just that, you know, that’s really what it’s about. There’s a lot of other things in life, but I think it gets down to the basics. It really just brought our family back to the basics and I think it’s changed all of us. You never know what life’s gonna bring.
Yamini 22:04
All right. To end this conversation on a fun note, tell us one fun fact about Wayland that you know, and most of them don’t.
Lee Moser 22:13
So I don’t really have a fun fact. But I have an amazing fact about Wayland. They were so helpful in this journey. You know, I put on Wayland mom group and Wayland bulletin board, you know, looking for clothes and toys for a child I’m hosting from Ukraine and he had a full toy room and clothes overflowing before he came.
Lee Moser 22:39
I was able to keep some things that were bigger and I’ve sent them back throughout the year. I also did a fundraiser to raise money for host Ukraine for my birthday and people I didn’t even know in the community, but knew me sort of reaching out and then I sort of became you know, became friends with them on Facebook were donating. I just so warm. Then lastly, for Christmas. Anton was hosted over Christmas. He was not in the orphanage, but I did send him a big box after Christmas so he could receive but I did a sort of a toy, toiletry clothing drive for his orphanage which has 250 children toddler through 18 and I was able to send 110 pounds of items to Ukraine for his orphanage and that was all from wayland.
Yamini 23:35
Oh my god, this is why I say our communities like one of the best.
Lee Moser 23:38
Yeah, it really is. They’re so supportive. You know, and I see it all the time for other people. someone’s looking for something, I mean, it’s just it’s not just with Anton obviously I that’s how I felt it the most, but I think we’re really supportive community were out to help each other. Who needs what, what recommendation can we give I I’m always just so you know, amazed with how busy a lot of us are, we all are, and how giving of time and support and energy and love.
Lee Moser 24:12
I feel like eight years ago, or even a half years ago when I was researching online that you know, I’m sure we would have been happy in a lot of times. I’m not saying that but Wayland is definitely have to spend a great fit for our family and I’m inspired by a lot of the people that live here as well. Just so welcoming, kind, supportive, all that you would want in a community.
Yamini 24:34
We are so glad to have you your talk about your hosting experience. Lee, I understand that there are other channels to know about this, but talking directly to a host parent throws a lot of light a lot of insight on the process. I also hold that I did not make you too emotional.
Lee Moser 24:52
I’m thankful to talk about him. I do get emotional. I mean It’s love, it’s just love. You know, he’s always on my mind.
Yamini 25:03
I know, I know, Mama and I’m sure that you’ll be connected with Anton and many other kids in future. There are so many women who are listening to this podcast. I hope you have gathered all the information, you can go on the site, check out host Ukraine and other such programs. I’m sure there are countries willing to do this and are already doing it. Yeah, go from there. Check if you can, you know, pay forward. Actually, it’s not just paying forward as much as it is receiving too, you know,
Yamini 25:39
Alright, listeners. So this was Lee Moser talking about hosting gets from Ukraine, and we come to an end. I’m hoping that you had a good time listening to this episode.
Yamini 25:50
Please do not forget to rate and review this podcast. Also, I’m hoping that I get a lot of feedbacks and comments wrapped around kind words because we just starting and we’re hoping to get more and more interesting stories onboard.
Yamini 26:07
Stay tuned. This is your host Yamini and we will see you in the next episode.
Yamini 26:11
Thank you so much for listening.